So I just read an article about Personality Disorder, and it seems like I have 3 of them, sort of.
Histrionic
Orang dengan gangguan kepribadian Histrionicadalah pencari perhatian konstan. Mereka perlu menjadi pusat perhatian setiap waktu, sering mengganggu orang lain untuk mendominasi pembicaraan. Mereka menggunakan bahasa muluk-muluk untuk menggambarkan kejadian sehari-hari dan mencari pujian konstan. Mereka suka berpakaian ”yang memancing” atau melebih-lebihkan kelemahannya untuk mendapatkan perhatian. Mereka juga cenderung membesar-besarkan persahabatan dan hubungan, percaya bahwa setiap orang menyukai mereka. Mereka sering manipulatif.
Gejala Personality Disorder Histrionic:
• Kebutuhan untuk menjadi pusat perhatian. -> Yeah I always want to be the center of attention
• berpakaian atau melakukan tindakan-tindakan provokatif. -> Well... not realy?
• Emosinya dapat berubah dengan cepat. -> It happened.
• melebih-lebihkan persahabatan. -> If you read my blog, then you'll know that this is true.
• Terlalu-dramatis , terkadang sangat ”lebay”. -> Some people call me lebay, yeah.
• mudah dipengaruhi, gampang dibujuk. -> Sort of.
Avoidant
Gangguan kepribadian yang ditandai dengan kegelisahan sosial yang ekstrim. Orang dengan gangguan ini sering merasa ”tidak cukup”, menghindari situasi sosial, dan mencari pekerjaan dengan sedikit kontak dengan orang lain. Avoidant takut ditolak dan khawatir jika mereka memalukan diri mereka sendiri di depan orang lain. Mereka membesar-besarkan potensi kesulitan pada situasi baru untuk membuat orang berpikir agar menghindari situasi itu. Sering kali, mereka akan menciptakan dunia fantasi untuk pengganti yang asli. Tidak seperti gangguan kepribadian skizofrenia, avoidant merindukan hubungan sosial, tetapi belum merasa mereka bisa mendapatkannya. Mereka sering mengalami depresi dan memiliki kepercayaan diri yang rendah.
Gejala Personality Disorder Avoidant:
• Keengganan dalam relasi sosial; mundur dari orang lain dalam mengantisipasi penolakan -> I hate talking to stranger
• Terobsesi dengna tolakan atau kritikan dalam situasi sosial -> This is kinda true.
• takut dianggap memalukan, sehingga menghindari kegiatan baru -> Yeah. But so everyone else, right?
• Miskin citra diri; perasaan tidak puas dalam kehidupan sosial -> A little bit.
• Keinginan untuk meningkatkan hubungan sosial -> I always want to have more bestfriends.
• nampak sibuk sendiri dan tidak ramah -> I'm unfriendly sometimes.
• menciptakan kehidupan fantasi rumit -> Oh God I do this a lot.
Obsessive Compulsive
nama gangguan kepribadian Obsesif-Kompulsif (OCDP)mirip dengan kecemasan obsesif-kompulsif, namun keduanya sangat berbeda. Orang dengan gangguan kepribadian obsesif-kompulsif terlalu fokus pada keteraturan dan kesempurnaan. Mereka harus melakukan segalanya "benar" sering mengganggu produktivitas mereka. Mereka cenderung untuk terjebak dalam halhal yang detil, namun kehilangan gambaran yang lebih besar. Mereka menetapkan standar yang tinggi tidak masuk akal untuk diri mereka sendiri dan orang lain, dan cenderung sangat kritis terhadap orang lain ketika mereka tidak hidup sampai saat ini standar yang tinggi. Mereka menghindari bekerja dalam tim, percaya orang lain terlalu ceroboh atau tidak kompeten. Mereka menghindari membuat keputusan karena mereka takut membuat kesalahan dan jarang murah hati dengan waktu atau uang. Mereka sering mengalami kesulitan mengekspresikan emosi.
Gejala Gangguan Kepribadian Obsesif-Kompulsif:
• mencari kesempurnaan dan disiplin yang berlebihan -> I know my room is a mess, but I'm a perfectionist sometimes.
• suka dengan ketertiban -> Of course.
• kaku -> Awkward? HELL YEAH.
• Kurang murah hati -> Maybe I dont know
• terlalu fokus pada detail dan aturan -> Yeah I focus on the detail... sort of.
• suka bekerja keras untuk bekerja, kadang berlebihan -> Work hard? Hell yeah.
Umm... wow... Is that bad? I'm a little proud about OCD, but the others?
Ini hasil abis test online:
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Farewell grandpa...
Tuesday, october 15th, my grandpa passed away. Pagi-pagi jam 6 di bangunin secara tiba-tiba sama mamah dan ngasih tau kalau aki udah gak ada, bangun saya langsung cek ke kamar aki. Aki berbaring di kasurnya, wajahnya pucat sekali. Honestly saya sempat mikir kalau aki bakal sampai umur seratusan, tapi aki meninggal di umur 89. It was an emotional day for my big family.
Malam-malam waktu pengajian keluarga, saya baca buku catatan aki. That makes me so sad and emotional. I cried. Bku catatan itu bikin saya sadar mungkin aku selama ini kesepian sampai nulis catatan sebanyak itu di buku yang udah sobek-sobek. Ngebayangin aki nulis buku catatan nya, gak ada temen buat ngobrol itu bikin sedih banget.
Sometimes I forget that he's not here anymore. Sometimes I still think that he's still there in his room.
I'm sorry aki, maafin kalau Iyang suka menghiraukan aki kalau aki bilang aki lemes, suka pura-pura gak denger kalau aki manggil, atau kadang suka teriak-teriak ke aki. I wish I could treat you better when you still here. Good bye aki. I love you, we love you. Wish you always happy there. Farewell...
Malam-malam waktu pengajian keluarga, saya baca buku catatan aki. That makes me so sad and emotional. I cried. Bku catatan itu bikin saya sadar mungkin aku selama ini kesepian sampai nulis catatan sebanyak itu di buku yang udah sobek-sobek. Ngebayangin aki nulis buku catatan nya, gak ada temen buat ngobrol itu bikin sedih banget.
Sometimes I forget that he's not here anymore. Sometimes I still think that he's still there in his room.
I'm sorry aki, maafin kalau Iyang suka menghiraukan aki kalau aki bilang aki lemes, suka pura-pura gak denger kalau aki manggil, atau kadang suka teriak-teriak ke aki. I wish I could treat you better when you still here. Good bye aki. I love you, we love you. Wish you always happy there. Farewell...
Friday, October 11, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Temporary stupidity
Have you ever feel like... stupid? I mean like stupid stupid. It happened to me one morning after a long night, I slept in 4 am, and wake up at 6 am. And wow, I feel so stupid. I litteraly don't understand the clock. I mean like realy dont get it. I think hard what's the clock mean... Man I was so afraid I'm gonna be stupid forever. I understand clock about an hour after I wake up.
Hmmm... is is because my sleeping habit? Or it's just a normal reaction after sleep. But it never like this before.
Hmmm... is is because my sleeping habit? Or it's just a normal reaction after sleep. But it never like this before.
haminsatumen
Tomorrow's my birthday! Isn't that awesome? I'm gonna be seventeen tomorrow. SO I invited all my classmates to my house for ngaliwet. Well actually I just told a few classmates. What should I do? If I invite them all on facebook tonight, there are possibility that 80%-90% of my classmates will come to my house tomorrow, which is great. But not so great, If they all comes, my house won't fit, it's not a big house so... But if I invite them all tomorrow in class, the possibility my classmates will come to my house is under 70%. But what if it's under 70%? What if my classmates have their own schedule? And only 5 people come to my house, and I already told my mom to cook for 35 people. Should I share it on facebook tonight? I'm afraid it's gonna sound braggy (wth is braggy?) if I share it on facebook, even on a group facebook
To be honest, I want all of 'em come. To be more honest, I don't want everyone comes because my house won't fit. To be more more honest, I only want 10-15 people come to my house tomorrow.
To be honest, I want all of 'em come. To be more honest, I don't want everyone comes because my house won't fit. To be more more honest, I only want 10-15 people come to my house tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Mi problema
1. Film
Ya, saya emang masih belum terima kalau Rizki orang yang kerja nya gak ngapa-ngapain dan jarang ngumpul waktu rapat bikin film, dijadiin produser. Orang yang jarang dateng dan gak ngapa-ngapain dijadiin produser? Oh, what a great idea!
Huh... saya kerja keras buat film ini, cari ide, cari cerita, cari-cari segala cara supaya film ini menarik. And yes I think I'm the one who deserve to be in charge of this project. Meskipun jabatan saya cuma penulis skrip, saya yakin waktu syuting nanti pasti yang paling diandalkan saya, bilang saya yang tau ceritanya lah, bilang saya yang ngerti lah, tai. Pengennya tuh kalau mereka bilang gitu, pengen banget jawab "tanya aja sama si produser sampah tuh!" Ah apaan banget, dia juga so-so an nolak jadi produser gitu, ah saya juga tau pasti lu seneng banget dijadiin produser. Iya lah, dari awal kerja gak ngapa-ngapain, dapet kredit paling tinggi, dan YA SAYA HAUS KREDIT.
Other than that, ceritanya emang agak aneh. Kadang saya juga gak mau nyeritain sinopsis dari film ini karena malu sama ceritanya, sering juga kabur waktu disuruh nyeritain cerita ke calon artisnya. Ya anggota tim kelompok gak bakalan ngerti lah, itu cerita saya yang bikin, mau bagus atau jelek itu saya yang bikin, dan karena itu saya gak ingin ceritain film ini soalnya ya saya malu, gimana kalau kata orang ini film jelek atau apaanangetsih. Takut di comment, itu lah. The whole class must be expecting something good from my movie, gak bermaksud sombong tapi ke kreatifan saya itu membahana dan semua orang tau itu. Lah kenapa jadi nyombong nih.
I know I'm not supposed to whine about it. Anggota lain juga pasti kerja keras, meskipun dalam bidang lain, kecuali si prduser sampah itu. Gak tau nanti bakalan gimana, gak tau dia nanti bakal ngapain.
So far artisnya baru dapet yang cewe, cocok lah. Tapi yang cowonya, mereka tuh suka merekomendaskan artis-artis yang BENER-BENER gak cocok gitu, kaya dia tuh asal pilih orang yang kenal aja, emang sih cari artis itu susah, apalagi di sekolah ini.
Ya intinya kelompok ini fine-fine aja, kecuali si Rizki yang tiba-tiba gak nyambung malah jadi produser instead of me.
2. Premiere
Yap, tugas premiere. Yang bikin stres itu dimana saya ngerjainnnya? Laptop emang ada, tapi gak kuat. Udah 2 kali overheat. Mana lusa harus dikumpulin lagi ah.
3. 11 Oktober
Ini bukan problem sih ya, tapi tetep kepikiran juga. In three days, I'll be 17, dan rencananya pengen ngundang sekelas makan-makan di rumah. Ngundang temen ke rumah untuk pertama kali itu pressure nya gede buat saya. Dan lagi, kita harus nyedian makanan buat berapa orang? Kalau banyak, taunya gak pada dateng. Kalau pada dikit, eh taunya 35 orang dateng semua.
Yang bikin kepikiran sebenernya itu, I want to impress my firends. I know kedengerannya emang agak sombong pengen keliatan bagus. I'm afraid my classmate think that I'm rich, which is I'm not. I'm afraid they expect like big house, which is not. I'm not rich, I'm not poor, I'm not suppose to be ashame. Hell yeah I'm not suppose to be ashame, because my family is normal, we don't have everything, but it's enough.
Ya begitulah hal yang lagi nempel di kepala, masalah yang nomer 2 lagi kepikiran banget.
Ya, saya emang masih belum terima kalau Rizki orang yang kerja nya gak ngapa-ngapain dan jarang ngumpul waktu rapat bikin film, dijadiin produser. Orang yang jarang dateng dan gak ngapa-ngapain dijadiin produser? Oh, what a great idea!
Huh... saya kerja keras buat film ini, cari ide, cari cerita, cari-cari segala cara supaya film ini menarik. And yes I think I'm the one who deserve to be in charge of this project. Meskipun jabatan saya cuma penulis skrip, saya yakin waktu syuting nanti pasti yang paling diandalkan saya, bilang saya yang tau ceritanya lah, bilang saya yang ngerti lah, tai. Pengennya tuh kalau mereka bilang gitu, pengen banget jawab "tanya aja sama si produser sampah tuh!" Ah apaan banget, dia juga so-so an nolak jadi produser gitu, ah saya juga tau pasti lu seneng banget dijadiin produser. Iya lah, dari awal kerja gak ngapa-ngapain, dapet kredit paling tinggi, dan YA SAYA HAUS KREDIT.
Other than that, ceritanya emang agak aneh. Kadang saya juga gak mau nyeritain sinopsis dari film ini karena malu sama ceritanya, sering juga kabur waktu disuruh nyeritain cerita ke calon artisnya. Ya anggota tim kelompok gak bakalan ngerti lah, itu cerita saya yang bikin, mau bagus atau jelek itu saya yang bikin, dan karena itu saya gak ingin ceritain film ini soalnya ya saya malu, gimana kalau kata orang ini film jelek atau apaanangetsih. Takut di comment, itu lah. The whole class must be expecting something good from my movie, gak bermaksud sombong tapi ke kreatifan saya itu membahana dan semua orang tau itu. Lah kenapa jadi nyombong nih.
I know I'm not supposed to whine about it. Anggota lain juga pasti kerja keras, meskipun dalam bidang lain, kecuali si prduser sampah itu. Gak tau nanti bakalan gimana, gak tau dia nanti bakal ngapain.
So far artisnya baru dapet yang cewe, cocok lah. Tapi yang cowonya, mereka tuh suka merekomendaskan artis-artis yang BENER-BENER gak cocok gitu, kaya dia tuh asal pilih orang yang kenal aja, emang sih cari artis itu susah, apalagi di sekolah ini.
Ya intinya kelompok ini fine-fine aja, kecuali si Rizki yang tiba-tiba gak nyambung malah jadi produser instead of me.
2. Premiere
Yap, tugas premiere. Yang bikin stres itu dimana saya ngerjainnnya? Laptop emang ada, tapi gak kuat. Udah 2 kali overheat. Mana lusa harus dikumpulin lagi ah.
3. 11 Oktober
Ini bukan problem sih ya, tapi tetep kepikiran juga. In three days, I'll be 17, dan rencananya pengen ngundang sekelas makan-makan di rumah. Ngundang temen ke rumah untuk pertama kali itu pressure nya gede buat saya. Dan lagi, kita harus nyedian makanan buat berapa orang? Kalau banyak, taunya gak pada dateng. Kalau pada dikit, eh taunya 35 orang dateng semua.
Yang bikin kepikiran sebenernya itu, I want to impress my firends. I know kedengerannya emang agak sombong pengen keliatan bagus. I'm afraid my classmate think that I'm rich, which is I'm not. I'm afraid they expect like big house, which is not. I'm not rich, I'm not poor, I'm not suppose to be ashame. Hell yeah I'm not suppose to be ashame, because my family is normal, we don't have everything, but it's enough.
Ya begitulah hal yang lagi nempel di kepala, masalah yang nomer 2 lagi kepikiran banget.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Yeah, script writer only
Hi Lemon, I haven't told you this, but currently I'm working on a movie. Hahaha, it just an indie movie, school assignment, no biggie.
At first me and my team still don't know what movie we're going to make. But me, the most handsome creative and cutest student ever find a story. I dont want to talk about the story. Not just to you Lemon, almost to anyone. Am I embarresed by my own movie?
Anyway, I find the story, I write the script, I put my ideas in everything like shot list and everything. Not to brag, but bassicly I create this movie.
But guess what Lemon, the give me credit for script writer only! I mean this movie is bassicly mine, not to brag. Well I lied, I actually brag about it. Okay back to the story, and they give credit for that GUY who's bassicly didn't do anything to become the PRODUCER! I mean, that should be me.
Hell yeah that should be me. The other day, that GUY asked me the story of this movie, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE STORY! GOD!
Oh God I still can't accept that.
At first me and my team still don't know what movie we're going to make. But me, the most handsome creative and cutest student ever find a story. I dont want to talk about the story. Not just to you Lemon, almost to anyone. Am I embarresed by my own movie?
Anyway, I find the story, I write the script, I put my ideas in everything like shot list and everything. Not to brag, but bassicly I create this movie.
But guess what Lemon, the give me credit for script writer only! I mean this movie is bassicly mine, not to brag. Well I lied, I actually brag about it. Okay back to the story, and they give credit for that GUY who's bassicly didn't do anything to become the PRODUCER! I mean, that should be me.
Hell yeah that should be me. The other day, that GUY asked me the story of this movie, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE STORY! GOD!
Oh God I still can't accept that.
Nighty night
Some night, I feel like don't want to sleep, although I'm sleepy, I don't want to sleep. I know I always regret this in the morning, promise to my self to sleep at night. I'm not insomnia, it just I don't want to sleep that night. Sometimes I do this when I have a lot of unwatch episode, or I have a new game. Oh wait, is that the reason? Maybe that's it. Or maybe it just because I have school tomorrow. School's fun, but the lesson is just stressing sometimes.
So because I have unwatch episode, or that school thingy? Or both? Nah, maybe it just I have a lot of unwatch episode of series, I'm just curious so I keep watching and don't want to wait till tomorrow, that's prabably it.
But sometimes I just don't want to sleep for no reason, like this night. I don't have that unwatch episode, but I have a new game, but I'm not planning to play it all night. Maybe I'm just not ready for tomorrow? Don't know exactly.
So, good night.
So because I have unwatch episode, or that school thingy? Or both? Nah, maybe it just I have a lot of unwatch episode of series, I'm just curious so I keep watching and don't want to wait till tomorrow, that's prabably it.
But sometimes I just don't want to sleep for no reason, like this night. I don't have that unwatch episode, but I have a new game, but I'm not planning to play it all night. Maybe I'm just not ready for tomorrow? Don't know exactly.
So, good night.
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